Love means you should say you're sorry

The title, of course, is a play on the tagline of one of the biggest, and mushiest movie hits, of the 1970s. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” from Love Story has got to be one of the most quoted, and misquoted, love quotes of all time.

The line makes sense if taken to mean “no regrets”. In the story, the heroine died after their short marriage. Hence, the line signified that Oliver, who got left behind, should neither feel sorry nor should he blame himself because the short time that they were happy together was what counted.

But that wasn’t the way it was used in the film.

Spoken twice in the film; once by Jennifer when Oliver is about to apologise to her for his anger. It is also spoken by Oliver to his father when his father says “I’m sorry” after hearing of Jennifer’s death. [Wikipedia]

So, it appears that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” would mean a person need never apologize to a loved one because the loved one would understand and forgive even without the apology. And that makes it so blah. I always thought that part of being an adult, and part of respect and courtesy, is knowing how to apologize when one makes a mistake or hurts someone’s feelings. It is, after all, a way of showing concern, an attempt to heal the would even if it cannot be obliterated.

In my family, we know how to say sorry. Not always with words but we let the person know that we realize our mistake and we try to make amends. Speedy has his unique way of apologizing. If we fight one day (oh, yes, we do fight like any normal married couple), he comes home the next day with some peace offering. A cake, a box of chocolates, ice cream, flowers…

casaveneracion.com Peace offering

The other night, we were arguing over whether to use a stand fan or a ceiling fan and we both lost our cool and went to bed without speaking with each other. I know, it was so silly. Ang babaw! But you never realize the silliness until afterwards when you’ve had a chance to cool down. So, yesterday, he came home with a box of chocolates and fig newtons.

It’s not that I demand that the apology be in the form of a gift, it’s just that he expresses himself better that way and it helps break the ice. Thing is, Sam and Alex have gotten used to this routine. Sam, especially. In the past, when they got home from school and she saw a box of cake in the fridge, she’d automatically conclude that her father and I had a fight the night before. And she’d snicker.

But she has also gotten wise about the whole thing. When she’s craving for something, say cake or donuts or ice cream, she’d tell me, “Mommy, awayin mo nga si Daddy para may cake tayo (Mommy, why don’t you start a fight with Daddy so we can have cake)…”

The little mercenary. Of course, I don’t do as she says. It’s bad enough that Speedy often feels that he’s outnumbered and out-talked and out-argued by the females in the house, especially by his daughters. :razz:

Comments

  1. says

    Dapat ang tawag pala kay Sam e wise guy.
    I’m so amused of her antics. hehehe

    Iba naman yung anak kong babae. She’s so amused hearing me and my wife argue. Parati namang petty lang kasi. She would also urge her mom na awayin ako at nang makarinig ulit sya ng nakatutuwang dialogue. Then, in the evening, mag-uusap usap kami, gagayahin nya yung dialogue namin.

  2. says

    Not yet married but I do know what it’s like to have petty quarrels… Pero ok yung style niya. Sweets. Parang gusto ko niyan. Hahahahahah :D

  3. chris says

    Poor Speedy, lol. You know when we met up at the shooting range, that’s the first question that popped into my mind, “How does Speedy ever get his way in their household?” Seeing the strong minds and opinions that would seem like a solid brick wall of dissent, I’d probably just go with the flow and buy cakes everyday.

  4. says

    Is it a male ego or pride for not saying sorry to your wife? I don’t think so. I believe that Speedy’s action speaks more than words.
    Connie, I guess you won the argument. You need to bring him to the store now to buy your choice of fan, otherwise, he has to bring more cakes and chocolates hahaha.

  5. says

    CJ, at 3 years old, is our referee. When she’s around and she hears us start raising our voice, she comes in between us, raises her hands up to each of us and shouts at the top of her lungs “Mommy, Daddy, no! Stop it!” And she repeats this until we notice her and stop arguing.

    The cuteness of the way she does it always means we end up laughing at how she does this. And my wife and I both appreciate her new, unexpected adhoc role in our relationship. :)

    • says

      “You need to bring him to the store now to buy your choice of fan…”

      I did. I wanted something that costs over P9,000.00 (super pretty) but he wouldn’t consider it. :shock:

  6. says

    Jon, funny that Sam and Alex never did that. Hmmm… They’d ask afterwards if we’ve made up but never stood between us when we’re in the heat of anger.

    Gloria, re “ang galing ng anak mo!”

    I wonder who takes after hehehehe

  7. lemon says

    Ms. Connie,

    You chose an electric fan just because it is pretty? Pinag awayan namin yan ni J kasi I base my choice of electric fan on the color and how it will blend with the walls.hahaha.

    His raised eyebrows and query, “abugado ka ba talaga or interior designer?” grrr.

    Re: petty fights-my parents once had a tiff bec. of pillows. Ayun, napikon ang isa, the following week, we had more pillows than we knew what to do with.

    • lemon says

      I have half a mind to tell him that disagreeing with me is as futile as getting your benefits from that damn GSIS.

  8. says

    Lemon, re “my choice of electric fan on the color and how it will blend with the walls”

    Syempre, di ba? I’m not into knick knacks, see, so all the necessities (fans, clocks, cabinets, etc.) will have to be decor items by themselves. Both functional and beautiful.

    Sabihin mo kay J, lawyers have a minor degree in interior design BWAHAHAHA

  9. says

    May I add that the blending of colors and decor will add value to the house when it’s time to sell, so you will at least get your money back.

  10. says

    Lemon, you go girl! LOL Honestly, most men are strange when it comes to interior design. Speedy would be happy to frame his collection of bolts and nails.

    JMonreal, oh true. The repainting here will start as soon as we move out.

  11. lemon says

    Speedy has a collection of what?bolts and nails?hahaha.

    J bragged to his mistahs once that he prevailed and got to choose the color to be used on our house. The mistahs said in dismay’ “patay!”So the man of the house took pictures of the house, showed them, and were they surprised that it’s not garish.hahaha

  12. says

    Yes, nuts, bolts, nails, screws, cables… when he was a little boy, so his mother says, when she drained the tub after Speedy has taken his bath, she found screws at the bottom.

  13. says

    One time, my wife and I had a tiff the night before. When this happen, she address me in a 3rd person through our daughter. The following morning, when I came home for lunch, she said:

    wife: “Bea, ask our “family driver” kung gusto nya nang magtanghalian”.
    Bea: “Daddy driver, eat ka na?”
    me: “Oo anak, paki sabi sa ating “kasambahay” na maghanda na.”

    That broke the ice. Bati ulit kami.

    When it comes to silly arguments, I let her have the last say. That way she’ll think she won. That or I make her laugh.

  14. edgar villanueva says

    connie,Im keeping this article away from wife’s prying eyes,Im afraid, she might think that what speedy doing is part of our tradition,Baka biglang magdemand pag nagaway kami..he he he

  15. says

    Ganyan yata talaga, ultimo those seemingly petty things eh napag-aawayan. Kaya nga dynamic na ang married life, parang CBA pa :D

    • Jayred says

      “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

      Truly, it’s a blah line. I roll my eyes every time I hear it (I have the “Love Story” DVD).

      Saying the line “I’m sorry…I was wrong” is very important in having healthy relationships.

      *****

      Love that box of chocolates! Yummy.

  16. kulasa says

    It reminds me of the time Kulas and I bought a fan. May nakita ako na mura at siyempre bagay sa bahay. Medyo mahina kaya away ni Kulas – may argument siyempre and Kulas (always to prove his right) let me buy the fan. Kaya ngayon may 3 kalseng stand fan kami, yung binili ni Kulas na industrial fan (na tawag ko si Bagyo), yung regular na stand fan (si Ulan) at yung binili kong stand fan na super hina ng hanggin (si Ambon, pero nagagamit namin ito pag December kasi malaming dito.

    Anyway,I learned a very good lesson from my mom and dad, although they argued, they made it a point not to go to bed mad at each other. Kulas and I agreed to this – kaya minsan napupuyat kami kasi nagiintayan. But it helps and so far we still haven’t deliberately slept with our backs to each other.

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