Who gets the house in a divorce settlement?

The following was forwarded by a lawyer-friend with whom I used to share an office in Makati. The anecdote, whether fictitious or based on facts, appears in dozens of blogs and web sites in various versions. This is the version that was sent to me. I love it. I love it even more every time I read it and I have read it again and again.

She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down on the floor in the dining room by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp and caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She replaced the end caps on the curtain rods, cleaned up the kitchen, and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canister, during which they had to move out for a few days, and they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her they were selling the house but did not tell the real reasons.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea about the smell, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork for her to sign.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

Lesson of the story: The person who thinks with the head above the shoulders always wins. The one who thinks with the head below the waistline loses. :mrgreen:

Comments

  1. says

    winner ang lola! hehehehe

    up to the very last minute akala ko, lilinisin na lang nya yung curtain rods at mawawala yung amoy, yun pala dinala pa rin nung ex-husband yung rods paglipat nila. mwehehehehe

  2. says

    I love this story. I’ve read this story before and I love it. Here’s my other favorite:

    Jack wakes up with a HUGE hangover after a night at a business function. He
    forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of
    aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And next to them, a

    single red rose. Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all
    clean and pressed. Jacks looks around the room and sees that it is in
    perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the

    aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
    bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
    “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!”

    He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the
    morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack
    asks, “Son….what happened last night?” “Well, you came home at 3am, drunk

    and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and
    got that black eye when you ran into the door.” “So, why is everything in
    such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table

    waiting for me?”

    His son replies, “Oh, THAT! …. Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she
    tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, bitch, I’m
    married!!!!

    Broken table – $200
    Hot breakfast – $5
    Red rose bud – $3
    Two aspirins – $0.25
    Saying the right thing at the right time – PRICELESS

  3. Nikita says

    I love this, especially the clincher about bringing the curtain rods! Pati rin yung isang favorite ni pinayhekmi; panalo!

  4. says

    Guess what? Someone e-mailed me, A GUY APPARENTLY, saying I was SO MEAN to find the story funny.

    I told him I didn’t find it funny. I find it VERY, VERY FUNNY and VERY, VERY SMART.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  5. says

    LOL! I also thought that the ex-wife only had to clean the curtain rods but they took it with them! Amazing :P

    Connie, maybe that happened to him? o.O :)

  6. says

    Women maybe the weaker sex, but being physically stronger is still no match if your adversary is smarter, diabolical and more wicked.

    Kaya ako ingat na ingat sa commander ko. When she ask something what seems to be innocent and trivial. I think twice before answering and always read between the lines.

    Mahirap matulog sa sofa!

  7. says

    Pangalawa na lang ako to BlogusVox. Kahit mali si boss, pinagpasinsyahan ko na lang. Mahirap yata magluto nang masarap na Filipino foods. …and just in case, I always have my Japanese magnetic pad underneath our bed ready to be used.

  8. says

    hi Sassy, sorry AWOL ako for sometime. I am familiar with this story. Actually I can’t remember how many times I’ve recounted this to people…

    Revenge is truly sweet.

  9. says

    What’s with you with heads? You keep saying that line about heads and you’re making me feel like you really don’t believe what your saying about it. Why? You may ask. Because the head below the waist is what could touch your soul.

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